Florida, Naturally
Seriously? An alligator? At a 7-Eleven? You can’t make this stuff up, folks. I swear, every time I think Florida couldnt possibly outdo itself in sheer absurdity, it delivers. Sheriffs deputies! Called out to remove an alligator from a convenience store! Because apparently, the apex predator of a sprawling ecosystem just decided to hang out by the Slurpee machine for kicks.
And what was this majestic reptile doing, you ask? Not buying anything! The horror! Refusing to contribute to the capitalist engine of brightly-lit snacks and questionable hot dogs! Can you imagine the audacity? I bet it didn’t even offer a tip. Probably just sprawled out, basking in the fluorescent glow, judging everyones poor life choices.
This isn’t wildlife management; this is a punchline. We’re funding an alligator-relocation service because apparently, the state’s entire budget can be allocated to dealing with rogue reptiles disrupting the purchase of cheese puffs. Im sure that money couldnt have gone to schools or infrastructure, no. It went to move a gator from one patch of concrete to another.
Honestly, at this point, I’m expecting a flock of flamingos to start demanding overtime pay at the local car wash. Because in Florida, anything is possible, and the ridiculousness just keeps on coming.
