A Seahorse? Really? The Pinnacle of Human Achievement
Seriously? A seahorse? That’s what weve sunk our collective ingenuity into celebrating? Apparently, the UPS Store – yes, that bastion of packing peanuts and suspiciously cheerful employees – has birthed a giant, animatronic seahorse. And this…this monstrosity has earned a world record. Because, naturally, the world was clamoring to know who could build the largest mechanical equine-adjacent creature to adorn a retail space.
I mean, I’m all for creativity, I suppose. But couldnt that same talent – presumably requiring engineers, fabricators, and an unsettling amount of foam – have been directed towards, you know, solving actual problems? Like figuring out why my package always arrives three days later than promised? Or maybe designing a self-folding cardboard box?
Instead, we get a giant seahorse. A record-breaking, animatronic tribute to…what exactly? The majesty of the ocean? The spirit of small business? I suspect it’s mostly a very elaborate excuse for people to take pictures and post them online with captions like “Look at this thing!”
Frankly, Im bewildered. And slightly terrified. Is this what weve become? A society that rewards oversized nautical puppets? I need a strong cup of tea and possibly a long nap before I contemplate the sheer absurdity of it all. Someone please explain to me why this is worthy of recognition.
