A Deputy and a Giant Bird: Because Apparently, Thats News Now
Seriously? A Florida deputy wrangled a runaway bird? Is this what we’re doing now? Headlines about avian escapes while actual problems fester? I mean, good for the deputy, I guess. Probably feels pretty heroic rounding up a feathered escapee. Bet he’s updating his resume right now: Expert in Large Bird Apprehension – Available for Wildlife Wrangling and Low-Priority Public Service.”
And of course, “officials say” it was a St… what? A St. something. Who are these officials, anyway? The self-appointed guardians of triviality? Did they have to issue an official statement about this? We assure you, the public is safe! A large bird has been located and returned! As if we were all trembling in fear of a rogue… whatever it was.
Im sure there are countless more pressing issues plaguing the state – affordable housing, climate change, the endless parade of ridiculous legislative decisions – but no, let’s celebrate a deputy’s bird-catching skills! It’s just… perfect. A delightful distraction from anything that actually matters. I bet the local news ran a heartwarming segment with slow-motion footage of the capture.
Honestly, I’m starting to suspect this is all part of some elaborate performance art piece designed to test my sanity. Someone needs to redirect these resources and find something real to worry about.
