A Horse? Really? This is News Now?
Seriously? A horse? Were celebrating a horse being the oldest horse? I mean, congratulations to the Virginia woman and her geriatric equine companion, but couldn’t we find something… slightly more significant? Like, I dont know, a cure for baldness or a decent pizza place that delivers after midnight? But no. It has to be a horse.
Thirty-seven years! The poor thing must have seen some things. Probably mostly fields of grass and the occasional bewildered squirrel. Riveting stuff. Apparently, Guinness World Records needed something to fill space between competitive thumb wrestling and giant vegetable growing. “Let’s find an old horse!” they probably exclaimed around the boardroom table. Itll generate clicks!
And people are excited about this! Articles are being written, news segments are being filmed. I bet there are commemorative mugs already on Etsy. Meanwhile, actual important things – you know, like global warming and affordable healthcare – just keep chugging along, completely un-horse-celebrated.
Its just…peak absurdity. A testament to how easily we’re distracted by the trivial. Fine. Be happy for a very old horse. I’ll be over here, quietly lamenting the state of modern news and desperately searching for that late-night pizza.
