The Peak of Human Achievement: Shopkins
Right, lets just sit here for a moment and absorb this monumental news. An Australian woman – bless her heart – has amassed a collection of 2,656 Shopkins. Two thousand, six hundred and fifty-six miniature plastic grocery items. Yes, you read that correctly. While scientists are deciphering the mysteries of the universe, while artists are striving for beauty, while… well, literally anything remotely worthwhile is happening in the world, this woman has dedicated her life to tiny, brightly colored approximations of apples and bananas.
And apparently, this qualifies as a world record. Seriously? A record! Like climbing Everest or composing Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. No. Its plastic fruit.
I can only imagine the sheer amount of shelf space this requires. The dust accumulation. The existential dread of realizing how much time was spent meticulously cataloging and arranging these… things. And for what? Bragging rights? A fleeting moment in a niche news cycle before everyone forgets it ever happened?
Honestly, Im not even angry. Just profoundly, deeply baffled. This is the pinnacle of dedication we’re celebrating now? Perhaps I should start collecting bottle caps. Or lint. It seems equally valuable. Congratulations to her, I guess. May her tiny plastic kingdom bring her endless… satisfaction? Whatever that might be.
