Thirty-Seven? Really? A Horse’s Age is Now News?
Honestly, are we out of things to report on? Seriously? A horse! A horse has achieved some sort of dubious distinction and its front page news? Apparently, a Virginia equine—named Snow—has been declared the world’s oldest. Thirty-seven years old. Let’s all pause for a moment of profound admiration, shall we?
I mean, congratulations to Snow, I guess. You managed to not die before reaching an age slightly older than my Aunt Mildreds prize-winning begonia. Its truly breathtaking stuff. We should probably erect a statue in its honor. Maybe a national holiday. Fireworks!
And the sheer banality of it all! “Snow is enjoying retirement,” they say. Well, I bet she is. Surrounded by hay and apples, completely oblivious to the fact that her extended lifespan has become fodder for breathless news reports. Does anyone stop to consider what a ridiculous metric this even is? Thirty-seven years? My car is only ten!
It’s just… emblematic of everything wrong with our current obsession with triviality. We’re drowning in fluff, folks. Drowning in stories about aging horses while actual problems fester. But hey, at least we have a thirty-seven-year-old horse to distract us from the impending doom, right?
