Seriously? Ostriches Now?!
Are you KIDDING me, Ohio? I’ve dealt with snowplows that havent been salted in a decade, potholes deep enough to swallow small cars, and drivers who apparently learned to navigate from a squirrel. But ostriches loose on the roadways? Is this some kind of elaborate performance art piece designed to drive me completely bonkers?
I saw the alert. Drivers urged to beware of loose ostrich. URGED?! Like Im going to be casually strolling along, admiring the autumnal foliage, when suddenly a six-foot bird with legs like stilts decides to join my commute! Seriously, who loses an ostrich? Did someone decide it was too much responsibility? Too awkward at family gatherings?
And what am I supposed to do? Swerve around it while dodging distracted teenagers texting about… probably other escaped farm animals? Pray that the thing doesn’t peck through my windshield and send me careening into a cornfield? This is not something I signed up for when I got my drivers license!
Honestly, the sheer absurdity of this situation is enough to make me want to sell my car and move to Antarctica. At least penguins are predictable. An ostrich? They’re just wildcards with feathers and an unsettlingly long neck. Please, Ohio, get your act together. I need a reliable commute, not a prehistoric panic attack!
