A Horse, Really? Seriously?!
Okay, fine. A horse. A horse broke a Guinness World Record. Let’s just pause for a moment and collectively question all of our life choices that led us to this point. I mean, seriously? We’re celebrating equine acrobatics now? While the world burns with actual problems – political unrest, climate change, the persistent struggle to find matching socks – were awarding accolades to a creature whose primary skill set historically involved pulling plows and occasionally being ridden by people in elaborate hats.
Thirty-eight tricks. In three minutes! What exactly are these tricks? Can he balance a teacup on his nose while reciting Shakespeare? Probably not. I’m guessing were talking about things like “bow,” shake hands, and maybe, if we’re lucky, pretend to sneeze.” Groundbreaking stuff, truly.
And the dedication! The training! Think of all the wasted hours – hours – spent teaching a horse to… well, do tricks. Couldnt that energy have been channeled into something, I dont know, curing diseases or inventing affordable housing? No, of course not. We needed to see a horse perform 38 underwhelming actions in rapid succession for the fleeting amusement of internet onlookers.
I’m sure it’s adorable. I’m certain it’s inspiring. But honestly, I just feel a deep and abiding sense of… something. Lets go back to focusing on important things, shall we? Like finding matching socks.
