You know what’s Not on Roids, but feels like a mandatory corporate punishment? “Dealing With Anger People” training materials. Seriously. These things are everywhere now – foisted upon employees who may or may not have ever yelled at someone beyond, Could you please stop microwaving fish?!
The premise is noble, I guess: teach us to de-escalate volatile situations. The execution? A masterclass in passive aggression disguised as empathy training. You’re presented with scenarios featuring cartoonishly angry individuals—red faces, clenched fists, the works—and then youre guided through techniques that sound like they were invented by a committee of people who actively avoid conflict at all costs.
Reflect their feelings, one slide suggests. So, if someones screaming about printer ink, I’m supposed to scream back, “It sounds like you’re really upset about the magenta cartridge?” Yes? Because that will absolutely diffuse the situation. It won’t. It will likely escalate it to a level previously thought impossible.
The worksheets! Oh, the worksheets! Rate your own emotional response on a scale of 1-5. Identify “trigger words.” Write down affirmations. Im pretty sure my trigger word is affirmation at this point. The whole exercise feels less about understanding anger and more about creating a bureaucratic record to absolve management from responsibility when things inevitably blow up anyway. It’s a beautifully packaged, utterly useless distraction. And it makes me… slightly irritated.
