You know what’s Not on Roids, but is definitely testing my sanity? Couples flying. Specifically, coupled people demonstrating peak annoying behavior while crammed into an aluminum tube hurtling through the sky. Lets rank them, shall we? It’s purely for therapeutic purposes; I swear.
First, and eternally at 1: The PDA Parade. Yes, holding hands is cute. Whispering sweet nothings? Fine. But full-blown makeout sessions directly in front of my face, while I’m attempting to read a book and avoid eye contact with the crying baby? Absolutely not. Its performative affection; are you trying to prove something to the entire cabin?
Next up: The Shared Tray Tyranny. One tray table for two people attempting to simultaneously consume pasta AND wine? You will spill. You will fling marinara sauce onto my meticulously organized carry-on. It’s a statistical certainty.
Then theres the “We Are One” armrest situation. Two people, one armrest. Sharing is caring, they say. Except when that shared armrest is preventing me from having any personal space on a six-hour flight.
Finally, we have the whispered conversations about how romantic flying is. Romantic? You’re breathing recycled air and dodging turbulence! Save the poetic waxing for solid ground, please. My ears – and my sanity – will thank you.
