The Underwear Bandit: Turns Out It Was Mittens All Along
Seriously? A cat? I can’t even with this level of absurdity. After weeks of bewildered parents, frantic searches, and whispered accusations amongst the student body at a New Zealand school – weeks! – it turns out the pilferer of precious pants was…a feline. A fluffy, four-legged fluffball with apparently discerning taste in cotton blends.
Im just picturing this creature, slinking through hallways, plotting its next heist, probably judging our fashion choices while it’s at it. Were we really expecting a sophisticated criminal mastermind? Someone meticulously planning underwear acquisition for personal gain? No! It was a cat. Of course, it was a cat. They knock things off shelves for fun; stealing undergarments is just a natural extension of that chaotic energy.
The schools explanation – something about the cat “enjoying” the texture and scent – doesn’t even begin to cover it. Enjoying? Does this mean we’re supposed to understand the feline motivations? Offer it tiny, custom-made linen drawers as an apology for disrupting its otherwise perfect life?
This entire saga is a monument to human gullibility and the unwavering ability of animals to mock our attempts at logic. I’m going to need a very large cup of tea and a serious reevaluation of my expectations for justice in this world. And maybe, just maybe, Ill start investing in cat-proof laundry bags.
