The Pinnacle of Human Achievement: Pindaloo Spinning
Seriously? This is what we’re celebrating now? An eleven-year-old from Wisconsin, bless his heart (and probably a very supportive set of parents), has broken a Guinness World Record for spinning a pindaloo. A pindaloo! I mean, really. While the world burns with geopolitical instability, climate change threatens our existence, and actual scientists are desperately trying to solve real problems, we’re awarding accolades to someone who can make a plastic toy whirl faster than someone else?
Dont get me wrong, dedication is admirable. It takes practice to become proficient at anything, I suppose. But shouldnt that dedication be channeled into something… more meaningful? Like, I dont know, inventing a sustainable energy source or curing a disease?
I’m just imagining the press release: Young Wisconsinite Achieves Peak Human Potential Through Circular Motion! It practically writes itself, doesn’t it? And think of all the celebratory merchandise! Pindaloo-themed everything! We cant wait to be bombarded with trinkets commemorating this monumental occasion.
This is precisely why I have lost faith in humanity. While genuine brilliance languishes unrecognized, we elevate the champion of a glorified fidget spinner. Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go contemplate the absurdity of it all while someone somewhere designs a pindaloo-themed ice cream flavor.
