The Universe Rewards Sentimental Trinkets, Apparently
Seriously? A class ring? Found on a New Jersey beach? After all these years? I’m just… flabbergasted. While the world burns – and lets be honest, it is burning with climate change anxieties, political division, and the relentless march of late-stage capitalism – we’re celebrating the triumphant return of a piece of jewelry from 1972?
I mean, good for the Nebraska woman! She gets her sparkly reminder of adolescence back. Fantastic. Truly inspiring stuff. Im sure it was just exactly what she needed to feel complete and at peace with existence. Probably solved all her life’s problems, right there on that sandy shore.
And you know who else is thrilled? The local news! Because a class ring is clearly more compelling than, say, the impending collapse of ecosystems or the erosion of democratic institutions. Its heartwarming and feel-good content for the masses! It keeps us distracted from the crushing weight of reality with tales of lost heirlooms miraculously reappearing.
I’m not even going to ask how it got there. Did a rogue wave carry it across state lines? A flock of sentimental seagulls? It doesnt matter, does it? Were just supposed to be charmed by this… this thing. Fine. I’ll clap politely while the world crumbles around us, all because someone found a slightly tarnished ring in the sand. Just… brilliant.
