The Reign of Terror: Our Feathered Overlords
Honestly, I’ve seen more polite behavior from a swarm of locusts. For weeks now, the idyllic charm of our little Wisconsin town has been systematically dismantled, not by some encroaching development or political scandal, but by turkeys. Wild turkeys. Apparently, “wild” in this context means actively plotting your demise.
These arent your gentle farm-raised birds, folks. These are feathered thugs, strutting around like they own the place (which, frankly, judging by the looks of things, they probably believe). They chase children. They charge at cars. They’ve established a pecking order that involves actively terrorizing anyone who dares to cross their path.
And dont even think about approaching with bread crumbs. Its not an offering; it’s an invitation for a full-blown avian assault. I saw Mrs. Henderson get cornered behind the post office just yesterday, nearly bowled over by a particularly belligerent tom! She needed assistance getting to her car.
The local authorities? They offer platitudes about respecting wildlife. Respect what?! Their aggressive behavior? Their blatant disregard for pedestrian safety? It’s ridiculous. We are being held hostage by poultry! I fully expect to see them demanding tribute soon – probably in the form of corn and sunflower seeds, lest we face their wrath. Someone needs to do something before they start forming a union.
