Seriously? A Bear and a Candy Store – Again?!
Are we living in a sitcom now? Because I’m starting to suspect this whole “reality” thing is just an elaborate, poorly-written script. The news reports are practically begging for it: Bear Breaks Into Tennessee Candy Store… For the Fourth Time. Four times! Let that sink in. Apparently, our local wildlife has developed a sophisticated palate and a blatant disregard for property laws.
Its not like this is some starving bear desperately seeking sustenance. No, no. This is a connoisseur of confections, a bandit with a sweet tooth the size of a small car. We’re talking about a creature that repeatedly breaches security to feast on gummy bears and chocolate bars! Does anyone think for one minute this isnt a cry for help? Not from the bear, mind you, but from the sheer absurdity of it all.
I imagine the store owner is thrilled. Hey, free publicity! he probably crows, as he sweeps up yet another pile of shattered peanut brittle and sticky paw prints. Meanwhile, I’m picturing this bear writing a Yelp review: “Five stars! Amazing selection, though security needs work.”
Honestly, at this point, maybe we should just build the bear a dedicated candy room in the back. It would probably be cheaper than constantly repairing broken windows and reinforcing doors. And frankly, its far less embarrassing than repeatedly being outsmarted by a furry, four-legged sugar fiend.
