Seriously? A 150-Year-Old Bottle of Fruit Flavored Booze?
Are we really doing this now? An archaeological team, bless their trowels and painstaking methods, dug up a bottle of booze from Utah thats roughly as old as my great-great-grandmother. And what’s the headline? Fruity flavor! Fruity! I can get “fruity” from a cough syrup these days. This isn’t groundbreaking historical discovery; it’s… mildly interesting beverage news.
I mean, congratulations to the historians who now get to write incredibly dull reports about fermented fruit juice from the 1870s. Do you think theyre picturing pioneers joyfully swigging this stuff? I bet they were grimly accepting it as a necessary evil against scurvy and despair while building a nation. This tastes faintly of apples, Martha! A true blessing!
And let’s be honest, “fruity” is the most generic descriptor imaginable. What kind of fruity? Is it subtly pear-like? Aggressively raspberry? Did it have notes of regret and westward expansion? We deserve to know!
Honestly, Im expecting them to announce next that it also smelled vaguely of dust and disappointment. Because that’s just the vibe this whole thing gives off. Let’s leave ancient beverages alone, people. There are actual problems in the world.
