New York City has been blessed with the annual SantaCon charity pub crawl, and thousands of people have answered the call to dress up like the man in red to spread Christmas cheer. Because apparently, the best way to give back to the community is by getting drunk in public while dressed like Claus.
The organizers of SantaCon claim that the event is all about charity, but it seems like it’s just an excuse for people to get recklessly intoxicated. I mean, who needs feeding the homeless and donating presents when you can drink your weight in eggnog and sing terrible Christmas carols in the streets?
However, for those participants who have actually managed to retain some sense of dignity and sobriety, SantaCon has provided a few moments of holiday cheer. From the bloodshot eyes to the slurred speech, nothing screams Christmas quite like a sloppy drunk Santa Claus.
Now, some might argue that the sight of a horde of grown adults stumbling around in public in Santa suits is a bit jarring. But really, it’s just a sign that the Christmas season has truly begun. It’s like the annual lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree, except with more vomit and beer.
As the day goes on, the streets become more and more crowded with Santas stumbling around. Whether they’re slurping on a candy cane flavored martini or yelling obscene things at passersby, they all seem to have one thing in common: a complete lack of self-respect.
Some of the more adventurous participants have taken it upon themselves to hop from bar to bar, spreading their Christmas cheer with every breath they exhale. And while their intentions may be good, their alcohol-drenched breath is anything but pleasant.
At this point in the day, the Santas have become a roaming band of miscreants, terrorizing the city and spreading holiday cheer in the form of noise pollution and vomit. But hey, it’s all for a good cause, right?
Despite its questionable methods, SantaCon has managed to raise some money for charity over the years. But let’s not overlook the fact that these “charitable donations” are coming from people who spent the day getting blackout drunk in public. It’s almost like robbing Peter to pay Paul, except Paul is wearing a Santa suit and puking in a gutter.
In the end, SantaCon is just another excuse for people to get drunk in public and act like fools. But hey, if it helps some people feel like they’re doing something good for charity, who are we to judge? So let’s raise a glass of spiked eggnog and toast to another successful SantaCon, where the only thing on the naughty list is your dignity.
