You know whats Not on Roids, apparently? Jamie Lee Curtis’s willingness to unleash Halloween Ends upon the world and then shrug when people start hurling pumpkins at the screen. Seriously, folks, brace yourselves for maximum frustration because according to Ms. Curtis herself, this final installment is designed to make you ANGRY.
Yes, you read that right. Not satisfied? Want a triumphant Laurie Strode finally vanquishing Michael Myers in a blaze of glorious, cathartic action? Too bad! According to our girl Jamie Lee, Halloween Ends isn’t about giving the people what they want. Its about…something else. Something involving plot twists and, presumably, more existential dread than actual slasher mayhem.
The article states Halloween Ends marks Jamie Lee Curtiss final outing as Laurie Strode. Let that sink in. This is it! The grand finale! And instead of a satisfying conclusion to decades of fear (and merchandising!), we’re getting…anger management training?
Honestly, can you imagine a worse way to send someone off into retirement? After all the screaming, the running, the dodging of kitchen knives – she’s going out with an angry mob demanding refunds.
The article mentions that “endings are tricky to get right.” Youre telling me! A perfectly serviceable franchise, resurrected and rebooted (because apparently legacy characters aren’t valuable enough unless they’ve been systematically dismantled), is culminating in a guaranteed audience revolt? Brilliant strategy, Jamie Lee! Absolutely brilliant.
We’ve all suffered through reboots before. Weve all endured plot holes big enough to drive a hearse through. But actively aiming for audience rage? Thats just…bold. Or maybe its an admission of defeat. Maybe they knew they couldn’t possibly wrap this convoluted mess up in a way that would please anyone, so they decided to just embrace the chaos.
Prepare yourselves, horror fans. Halloween Ends isnt going to give you closure; its going to give you heartburn and an overwhelming urge to throw things.
