You know whats Not on Roids? A list of 21 things sports fans do that make everyone else want to trade places with a referee. Seriously, who commissioned this anthropological study of sporting event unpleasantness? It’s like someone meticulously cataloged every single reason I contemplate wearing noise-canceling headphones to a baseball game.
According to the article (and my personal experience), apparently some people believe attending a game grants them carte blanche to behave…differently. Differently as in, treating a stadium like their own personal garbage can or—God forbid—toilet. Because that’s totally acceptable behavior, folks!
And then there are the clowns. Oh, the clowns. Apparently, bringing a clown to a sporting event is a legitimate pastime for some people. I mean, really? The article points out, nobody likes clowns. My grandma will tell you about Bozo; I’ll offer a significantly darker historical reference. Its just…why?
The underlying problem, as the article acknowledges, stems from an inflated sense of importance. They know they’re vital to the “sports mega machine,” generating revenue for owners and athletes through ticket sales, merchandise, and those ever-lucrative broadcasting rights. But apparently, some fans think this entitles them to projectile vomit on a little girl in princess attire.
Speaking of which, bring your adorable daughter? Brave move! The article correctly assesses the risk: one drunk “dillweed” stealing her crown and inducing tears. It’s statistically improbable, sure, but possible. Philadelphia, anyone? Weve all been there.
And let’s not forget the poor souls selected for halftime contests. Those $50K (or potentially much more) dreams dashed by a bricked half-court shot in front of thousands of laughing faces! The article says these contests are annoying—ya gotta kill time somehow—which is an understatement. Its excruciating to watch someone fail that spectacularly.
Honestly, just reading this list makes me want to invest in earplugs and a really good pair of binoculars so I can observe the spectacle from a safe distance. 21 things? That’s practically a bingo card for awkwardness.
